Walter Simon

Upcoming comic book teasers

2010-11-22T09:09:00.000-08:00

Pwnygyrl, Field Agent for the Magic City Black Panzer Sabbath

2010-11-22T09:06:00.000-08:00

Dimetrodon Stalking

2010-08-13T00:23:00.000-07:00

Bordertown

2010-08-12T23:55:00.000-07:00

Ambushing Amoebosaur

2010-08-12T23:53:00.000-07:00

Podbot condestructing

2010-08-12T23:45:00.000-07:00

Alien Nature

2010-08-12T23:31:00.000-07:00

Hut of the Matreopteryx

2010-08-12T23:29:00.000-07:00

Hamgash the Ork

2010-08-12T23:23:00.000-07:00

Reptilios, Swamp Shaman

2010-08-12T23:02:00.000-07:00

Palmetoid Hydra

2010-08-12T16:10:00.000-07:00

Sentient Wasteland Survivor

Value Meal

2010-03-10T22:30:00.000-08:00

I will save you the trouble
And smash the chicken for you
With my fists!
Bones breaking and blood and gristle flying
Like in 2001.

Punch! Smash! Pummel! Punch!
Fuck this shit!
Now wrap it in a flag of your choosing.
Value Meal.

The Rise and Fall of a Hypothetical Potato

2010-03-06T11:47:00.000-08:00

A hypothetical potato once thought, "If I only were a chicken, I could have pecked my boy's brain out for further study." Being an ingenious little tuber, it acquired a degree in psychology at a Junior college. All of it's blue collared friends were impressed, and danced the "jig of many inkwells." But the hypothetical potato could not stop there; consumed by a lust for powder, it cleverly found its way into a Presidential Candidate's mind.

"At last! I am human!" the hypothetical potato wallowed in the tear wrinkling from it's host's eye-sockets. The hypothetical potato then set about implanting all oppressed potatoes into the human heads of certain important human celebrities and their leaders. The plan would have worked, had the hypothetical potato not fallen maddeningly in love with a lovely-lady-bee-keeper, who turned out to be an escaped mental patient (of course), well-known for sabotaging hundreds of thousands of sweet potato farms. Upon this realization of her past, he slew her in a fit of rage. Then somewhere under a highway overpass, he mistook his own life in a fit of despair, or was it rage? Anyway, he whipped himself to death with an egg-beater.

the end

2010-03-06T11:36:00.000-08:00

Testosterone Pygmy Power

"A last gumdrop, madame?"
Neighbour of a necrophiliac!
A cat's meow.
Then birthed the blue demon,
With clenched toes,
A dinosaur, a dim companion.
In a darkened alley,
A hunched nun disintegrates.
The madame perches on a fly's back.

2010-03-04T22:17:00.000-08:00

You can shoot a star apart
Sweep up all the dust
Calculate math
And follow the path of Apollo
If you must
Or Now take the hand of Isis
in a dance of Dionysus
The illusion blocks out confusion
An allusion to a thought.

The abundance of minimal faith
Panic is worming through time
Berserking all over the authorities
I fear appear in desperate chase

Alcoholic demonic hyberbolic frolic
Hyper diaper voyeur
Telephantomic lawyers
Are perched above the canyon
Of wreckless sex abandoned.

Imagery is the life of poetry,
Metaphor is the wisdom.
Wet leaves blackened and aged
Blanket forest floors
A rotting skin
Softness made crisp and fresh
by the newly fallen.
Mystery activities must remain so far to prod would mean to disturb and ruin another being's ignorant bliss.
To satisfy curiosity one must be disatisfied with ignorance.
Placing that satisfaction over mere contemplation and quiet appreciation is perhaps a minor evil.
To develop the power of the evil eye
Must one master the knowledge of the eye of light?
The eye which illuminates only the shallower depths of the pool,
but does not frighten the fish away nor embarrass the deep dwelling
Bottom feeders, the low and unproud,
the prehistoric lobe-fins who want to be lizards but don't know it.
I somehow know that if eye had the soft light eye
all the time eye would not need the evil eye, and this is why eye does not immediately seek the dark party, horned by nature. It is a corrupt nature, a nature born in an urban flower pot and not the woods wilds of the owls and foxes. And Walter pondered, "Am I to be the woodsman or the commander of armies?" He pondered some more, "Now I am a woodsman, but there are mercenaries who could be bribed by a rich man. There are merry men who are easy to piss off and who turn on you when Charisma fails.

A holy certificate was handed down the magnetic mountain of magma.
Spawning schools of shimmering shellfish
Spitting pounds of sounds against the Porcelain Pillars
As the mind squirts streams of icy sweetness (sandwich)
to quench the ogre of intestine.
Watch in awe as I now spin your moon sideways on your backside
and laugh with 7 hawkwings flashing from haughty mouth,
boasting of bland toast
and thin scrapings of margarine
a class spin on an ancient revolutionary doctrine now shattered by heat molten filling the cracked teeth of giants.
You sivery screan shall ignite upon my damning gaze...the silvery saliva settles
and now we pan the stream, the lead settles in the cracks,
What once infected the romans has infested your t.v.s.

Paperboy

2010-03-04T16:53:00.000-08:00

Egg on White Paper

The Fowler spins crouching on a revolving stool. The more he spins the deeper he goes. His face turns red and hard like a delicious apple on a cutting board. The ceiling crumbles aside, allowing the bushy-haired Fowler to rise into outspace to the moon where the statue of the Great Grimace watches eternally over the sea of tranquility. Hail Grimace! May your shakes be thick and frosty.

Jaded Wretch

Your blood clot brain clogs your head
Each pointless thought plops with a thud
Like cold, hard poop.

Blues Fools

Black Moth fluttering
Under a golden lamp
Cheesecloth and ambergris
Bought me a 50 cent.
Well, well, my friend.
I see you come real far.
Another chocolate soldier
Another groaning guitar.

Under a Black umbrella
The Killer waits for me
The cab driver from the dark beyond

Forgetfulness and paranoia
The myrthful ones
He's staring at pictures that move
Don't forget about the bland irritant compulsion,
Television is the media of the masses.
The masses vote
The politicians and media influence the masses.
Who owns the media?
Who pays for the politicians campaigns.
Trust the Heritage foundation and you'll be a conservative.

Infant Taxi Tunnel
Musical Dream Scream
Busy Bubble Maker
Sleepy Baby
Suzy Snapshot loves to have her picture taken.
With every flash from her camera she moves her head and arms and turns at the waist.
Watch her fuss and move her arms and legs till she's fed.

Altered Beast
Become an awesome werewolf to rescue Zeus's daughter.
Smash and trash just like the arcade hit.
Stack 'em and rack 'em and try not to go crazy.
Puzzle game.
Dance over enemies to save children.
The villains are around every corner and only you can stop them.
Smash into the future.
Journey to a land of wonder.
Bring a dreamworld to life when you launch a candy attack against the creatures of slumberland.

The Immortal Empire

2010-01-25T15:29:00.000-08:00

Synthesizing man and machine molecules, the secret societies of the Immortal cyborganics now rule Planet Earth from their lofty invisible flying citadels, defying "death" and gravity as they ascend to the stars, exponentially compounding and combining their grand intelligences into ever more complicated meta-mental "superentities", setting new standards of the philosophy of hubris.

The Chimaericals

2010-01-25T15:10:00.000-08:00

Chimaericals- The accidental mutations arisen from Nanobionic technologies created for the immortal humans ONLY, yet like a virus some of the artificially intelligent strains have "malfunctioned", allowing DNA mingling between disparate species to create mutant hybrids, in some cases imperiling entire ecosystems...and yet life marches on...

This particular evolutionary hybrid is known popularly as "The Bitterling", an eleven-foot tall, 2,000 lb consumer.

The Ferals

2010-01-25T15:04:00.000-08:00

The ferals are free-willed chimaerical mutations who resist the power of the Immortal State and The Collective. Wild and rebellious, the ferals struggle against all who would oppress their tribal society they call "The Hidden"...

Far Out Space

2010-01-25T14:39:00.000-08:00

This one of the Psychic Overlords of Far Out Space, whose thoughts are faster than light, whose unfathomable minds desire to entertainment complicated entertainment derived from driving intelligent beings insane with their mystical conundrums, messages sent through the timeless psychic dreamspace.